Rewriting A Self Introduction
I started writing on Medium exactly two years ago. I have always been enjoying writing as a hobby and never really take it seriously. I used to have a blog and I posted every now and then when I was a student. I’ve always loved pouring my thoughts, my worries, my stories (be it good or bad) into words and I posted my writing into my personal blog.
I’m a very moody writer. I found it hard to write regularly since I often find myself getting inspiration only from extreme happiness or extreme sadness and nothing in between. And later on with my increased use of other social media platforms, I barely post anything in my blog and I even forget its existence.
I’ve only heard about Medium a few times before actually making an account and decided to write here. A few friends of mine shared their works on this platform and that’s how I got to know what Medium is. I love the simplicity of the platform and I love that I can just write without thinking much about how it will look (I used to spend so much time designing my blog even though it always ended up looking mediocre). What I also love about the platform is that the readers can find my writings through the tags that pique their interests without me having to do the hard work.
I never think of myself as a great writer. I never write with any intention other than to get words out of my head. The thought of writing to impress other people never crossed my head. I don’t think that should be the purpose of my writings, and I also don’t think that it’s possible. Writing has been that one thing I do to reflect on myself and contemplate my life, I want my writing to be the truest form of my voice. And I think that’s why I’ve been feeling vulnerable every time I opened my laptop and tried to write something. I even have to hold back my tears sometimes.
Two years ago, I started writing on Medium. I set my account name to “Puspa”, which technically is my name but it isn’t really how people know me in real life. I feel like I am still myself, while also having some anonymity on the internet (which doesn’t really make sense because I connected my Medium to my personal Twitter account). I often find myself being absolutely vulnerable in my writing and having people that I know in real life read it feels like being naked in public (which of course terrifying to imagine). Sure I don’t mind my close friend knowing, but I don’t really like the idea of everyone who knows me getting to see that side of me. That’s why I have been hiding behind the name.
Now as I grow older, I realized that I have been worrying too much about others’ opinions and that has been a waste of time. I realized that it’s okay to be vulnerable at times, and it’s okay if people happen to see it. I want to be able to own every part of me, all the good and the bad. Because what matters the most is that I’m doing things that I need to do and aiming to be better.
So here I am, deciding to go by my own name from now.
And here comes the self-introduction part of the post.
My name is Kintan, that’s how everyone calls me. I will be turning 25 years old this year, with not so much accomplishment in life besides staying alive up to this moment. With all the crazy things that happened in the past few years, I think staying alive is already a heavy task to do so that makes being alive an accomplishment. With everyone trying to be the best at everything, I am proud to say that I actively participate in making everyone feel good about themselves by being the mediocre friend they can compare to. And no, I don’t feel bad about that and I don’t really care. I believe everyone should live their lives the way they want as long as they don’t hurt other people.
I used to live in Japan for work until September last year, and it was a memorable stage of life I would like to cherish for the times to come. I have been home for about 3 months and since then have been dealing with reverse culture shock which hit harder than I expected. I am slowly getting accustomed to everything here, including talking to people in my native language which was a luxury for the past 2,5 years.
As you can see, I love to write and I am planning to write more consistently this year. I hope I can stick to my words this time. I am also planning to write more in English as a ‘writing practice’, and how nice will that be if more people from around the globe can see this girl doing what she loves.
That’s all I have to say. I hope I can write more and write better this year. And I hope everyone can stick to their new year’s resolutions to reach their goals.
Karanganyar, 15 January 2022
