Looking Back on 2021
I thought 2020 was crazy, but 2021 was much more chaotic than I could ever imagine.
We’ve all been through many crazy things in 2020. We thought 2020 will be a normal year for us all, but then the global pandemic happened. I thought I was going to see more foreign tourists in my workplace and do more in my second year in Japan, but I was so wrong. I had many things planned inside my head but the pandemic was the universe’s awful way of saying NO.
Many changes happened throughout 2020 and it felt like a big long pause. The restaurants are closed, the streets are empty, and I barely go out or spend time with my friends face to face. People start saying that it’s the new normal, but what is so-called normal feels very strange. And the idea of living in the ‘new normal’ is complete nonsense.
Everything is getting crazy, especially work, and the stress was piling up it gets too much for me to handle. I spent many nights thinking about my future, how to get through things, and what I should do next. 2020 was the roughest year, but I didn’t know what was coming for me in 2021.
I was hoping that in 2021 things will get better. I was hoping for the pandemic to be over and get back to normality, but again I was wrong. The start of 2021 wasn’t any easier. I was not a permanent employee at my previous job, and for that reason, I have to renew my contract as well as working visa each year (some lucky ones can get 3 years visa, but I didn’t). Every time, when it’s getting closer to my visa getting expired, I will be in a dilemma, thinking about what I should do next.
In January, I was seriously considering going back to my home country. The thought of getting stuck in Japan was terrifying, and I hated it so much. I decided to talk to my manager and I told him that I will be going home this year. I haven’t decided when I will go home, but I am sure that I can’t stand another long and lonely year in Japan. I just can’t.
After tackling one problem down, I have to admit that the first quarter of 2021 was going well. It went very smoothly that I kept myself on guard, I knew when things are going too well something horrendous will follow. And I was right. I was dating someone that I had known for many years, things were perfect until they weren’t. We ended our relationship, and even though we weren’t dating for long it took a toll on me. I was wrecked. I couldn’t eat or sleep for days, and the thought of that person made me sick. But I got through it.
In September, my last month in Japan, I got to use all my paid leaves and I traveled a bit. I write down a bucket list of things I wanted to do before leaving because one of my close friends kept on telling me to have no regret when I step out of Japan. I went to different cities to see my friends, visited places I’ve always wanted to visit, and did some crazy things I never thought I could do — getting to the summit of Mt. Fuji that took me 7 hours to climb. The trip was amazing and I met someone amazing too. But that incredible feeling didn’t last long.
After going back home, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed for months. I thought going back home will be all fun, but I was wrong again. It’s great that I can be home with my family, but I also miss being independent. I miss being busy with work and going out to places every time I want to. I’ve always wanted to rest for some time, but doing nothing every day is boring and it made me feel useless. Everything about being home is contradicting and complicated.
I spent two months doing nothing in my home, and I can finally get myself back to do something. I started making accounts on the job-hunting websites and I got offers for interviews, and I kept doing that until the end of the year. It’s very tiring, but at this point, all I can do is keep moving. Or has it been the only thing to do my whole life?
2021 was a long year with many goodbyes. At times I was the one being left, and then came the time when I was the one leaving. I’ve said goodbyes many times and yet I never get used to it. Many things ended, some in the way that we never expected, but we all can learn a thing or two from them.
I don’t know what 2022 will bring me, but I hope 2022 can be the start of many exciting things. And I hope 2022 can be the year for me to grow and be a better person.
Happy new year!
