Is it so bad to not know?
I have the same questions over and over again in my sequences of sleepless nights that I asked myself. What do I want in life? Will I stay for my current job? Do I want to try another job? Do I want to get a master degree? What is my plan for the next few years? Will I ever have a boyfriend? And often times, the answer to those questions are plain and simple: I don’t know.
I don’t know how long I will stay in my current job I. don’t know if I want to move and get another job (and I don’t know if I can get another job). I don’t know when I will go back ‘home’. I don’t know if I want to get a master degree, if I do want to, I don’t know when I can get it. I just don’t know.
I have never been an optimist myself, but I don’t mean to be a pesimist by saying “I don’t know”. Future is not something that we could foresee, and things may not be the way we want it to be, that’s why I feel like it’s best to let things flow. Although, I do feel like I am lost at the moment, not knowing what to do with my life. But I want to believe that this is just a ‘phase’.
Maybe it’s true. Maybe no plan is the best plan. Maybe it’s not so bad to not know what to do. It’s life. All you need to do is keep living.
Hakone, 17 Mei 2020
