Goodbye, 25!
I wanted to write something that is somewhat motivational, looking back on how I have become a lot more mature and wise person… But that would be straight-up lying. So here it is, the raw truth without the sugar coating.
It felt like the year has just started but it’s already that time of the year again. I am welcoming my new number and saying goodbye to 25.
Last year I started to celebrate ‘turning 25’ the whole month but this year it’s a bit different. If last year I was able to spend all the weekends with friends, stay-cation with my family, went to my favorite artist concert, this year it’s a bit different. I do not plan meticulously on how I am going to spend all my weekends this month, but I do set a general rule: it’s my month and I will be the star. And what I meant by that is not that everyone should be only looking at me at all times for the whole month, but it means that I will be putting myself first. No 30/20/50 rules this month, which means that I got to buy and treat myself to whatever I want. I am not restricting myself too much on things that I want to eat. If I want it, I shall get it.
Or that’s how I planned it to be…. But the fact is, nothing will ever go as planned and I am not the mature person that I thought I was. Everything was going well, I was buying gifts for myself, I was spending time with my friends and family until my birthday came and I have a breakdown for no reason (which turned out to be PMS). I felt like crap for a few days, thus I failed to write and post this on my birthday. Six months entering 25, I had some awakening moments of having my frontal lobe finally fully developed and how everything was crystal clear. Oh boy, I wonder where that clarity went.
Life has always been a roller coaster ride but these days things have been even crazier. One minute I am fine and another minute I feel like I am going mad. Sometimes I feel content and happy with where I am, but other times I feel like I am going nowhere and haven’t achieved anything in life. It seemed like things are going smoothly, but occasional turbulence does occur. I don’t know if this is what quarter-life crisis is about but seems like my peers are having the same kind of issue.
I was planning on writing about how amazing my birthday was and how wiser I have become. But there goes my original plan down the drain. I spent my birthday crying and lashing out at my loved ones for no reason and I don’t even understand. I got to see how selfish I have been and I still am. Even though maybe I am not wiser, I started to be able to see myself from others’ perspectives. I guess adulting is not about being the perfect person overnight, but the process of being better every day.
I feel like I am just rambling at this point and I don’t exactly know what I am saying. But if I were to sum up this getting-a-year-older experience: I am confused. Let this be a start for me to start figuring things out while trying to live my best life.
Goodbye, 25. Hello, 26!
July 2023
