A Different World
we’re all living in a different world, leading a different life
The Big City
I visited Jakarta for a week last month. I never like the capital city. To me, everything is too loud and everything is too chaotic. I used to live there for a short time, three months to be exact. I got a job shortly after finishing university and moved to the city. Not an inch of the city can make me feel comfortable, not even the small room I rented. I love to be alone, but the city is too crowded and I can not have a space that I can call my own.
I can’t really recall any good times while I was there. Sure I used to hang out with my friends and it was great, but other than that, all I can recall was suffering. I was so stressed living there that I would be sick for a long period with no exact cause, and no medicine can cure it. Only after I got back to my hometown, did my health start to get better. And every time I set foot in that city, I will get sick again.
At some point, I just knew that city life is not for me. Living in a hustle environment and constantly competing with everyone to stay alive is very tiring. I decided that I will get out of the city, go back home, and think about other options for myself. Some people that I talked to said that I should give some more time to adjust to the city, but I knew that if I stay there longer I will lose my sanity. Then, it was like I am running away, but looking back it was the right decision.
An Old Friend
I met an old friend while I was there. The last time I saw him was four years ago on 2018, that time I lived there. Many things have changed. At least that’s how I see him right now. The last time I met him was about one or two years after he started his career. Now, he had climbed the ladder and landed himself in a managerial position at his company. He moved to an apartment in the center of the bustling city and bought a shiny new car. Honestly, I truly admire his effort to get him where he is today. Impressive, I would say.
I believe many would agree that he is what many people would describe as successful. He has everything that most people desire: money and power. Even I was envious. But meeting him made me overthink everything.
A Different World
I will never be like that. That’s what I thought to myself. I’ve been thinking a lot about it and how it made me feel. I know that we should not be comparing our life to someone else’s but something about it makes me feel small. I have not made any ‘big’ achievements in my life, I kept on changing my jobs without thinking much about my ‘career plan’. It almost seemed like, every decision was made in the heat of the moment.
It takes some time to convince myself that I don’t need to feel this way. Everybody leads a different life. It’s obvious that everybody has different goals and different ways to live their life. You can’t compare your life to others. It’s something that I knew at heart. But seeing his life and what he achieved, I know that the reality is most people are pursuing a similar dream. But, the world that he lives in is a completely different world than mine.
Unconventional Life
I can’t help to think about all the choices that I have made as many of them are very different compared to everyone around me. I see many people around me get to university, graduate, get a job, get promoted, get married, and have kids while they’re the same age as me. Sometimes I wonder why lots of people can have the same patterns in their lives as if it was pre-determined.
Then, I didn’t know how lonely it would be. As I take a different path compared to everyone, I didn’t know how fewer and fewer people can understand me. The journey that I have made is something that a lot of people can only imagine and I am grateful for all the experiences that I have gained. But it made me feel out of place, and it feels like I am always searching for a place to be.
To Start Living
The grass is always greener on the other side. But the truth is, you can only see the good side of someone else’s life as the dark side is often concealed. The journey to accepting oneself is not easy. But everyone is special in their own way and everyone values different things in life. You need to stop looking at the green grass on the other side and start living.
Karanganyar, July — 23 August 2022
